To Be or to Do: Is that the Question?

As a newly minted entrepreneur, I am learning to lean into some of the pragmatic ideas and suggestions that I have offered to other women leaders over the past 20 years. The adage “practice what you preach” has never been more relevant or more challenging to me than it is today. Still, this is my chosen path and I am to happy share what I am learning especially if it helps and inspires others take their own steps towards their wildest dreams. We certainly are better together!

At some point in my young life, I received the message that being busy and doing more, lots more, was good, and man did I buy in. It’s a message that still rings loudly in my ears today. And, it’s one that has served me well in achieving many life goals: going to and graduating from college; getting the next best job; finding the right partner; traveling to exotic places, and well heck, even doing the grocery shopping in under 45 mins! “Doing” works for me.

I have always been an over “Do-er.” In high school my friends and I would joke that the person with the most keys (to the locked clubs and teacher’s rooms) would someday rule the world. My key chain was heavy and bulging. I always pushed myself and as a result I landed on the student council, as editor of not just the yearbook but also the student newspaper, on the softball team, as the school mascot, emcee of the student rallies and working 15 hours a week all the while maintaining a strong GPA. This continued throughout college and way into my adult career. The more I did the better I was, or so I believed.

And now many years later after much reflection and hard-earned life lessons, I have come to believe that my Do-ing may somewhat resemble an addiction. I’ve noticed the adrenaline rush I feel when I am overbooked or have a long list of to do’s. And while it’s also exhausting, it’s my ego that digs the feeling of importance. I feel purposeful. However, I will admit that a part of me knows that much of this busyness has just been a ploy to avoid slowing down, being quiet and an elaborate ruse to avoid feeling my feelings.

When I conquer my lists, I am never satisfied (I usually have 2–3 of them going at the same time) and quickly find something else to do. I’ve often laid in bed in the middle of the night scanning the deep recesses of my brain searching for all the things I have forgotten. Then, after feeling a sense of accomplishment for creating a new juicy list, I promptly forget it by the time I wake up the next morning. It’s ironic that for many years sitting on my bedside table shining up at me every morning was Ram Dass’ book, Be Here Now.

I have had the good fortune of meeting the spiritual teacher and author, Ram Dass several times as part of a socially responsible business network that I led many years ago. I always admired the way he traversed through the halls with a huge smile on his face and a spring in his step. He had a quality about him that was both mystical and playful and there was no denying that he was always present. He was then and is now the embodiment of his seminal book.

Be. Here. Now. I wondered what that truly meant? Of course, I understood it intellectually — to slow down, be present, you know all that guru stuff. And, a part of me wondered what it would be like for me to fully embrace this idea. Where would I begin? How would I do it? Would I just stop accomplishing things to accomplish Be-ing?

It was time to delve in to see what would emerge. Being a practical gal, I opted to start with a list (is that Do-ing I wondered?) of steps to take towards more Be-ing vs. Do-ing. Then, I threw the list away and decided to simply place my attention and intention towards Be-ing. Much to my surprise, the simple act of focusing my awareness shifted something from deep within. I could feel my body relax and my adrenal glands breathe a sigh of relief. A Ram Dass like smile kept creeping up on my face. This little experiment of mine has also brought up many questions about where I place my value and beliefs.

For example, I’ve been chewing on what I value more — feeling relaxed at the end of the day, which allows me to be present with my family and friends, or feeling a sense of importance by having a long list of things still yet to be accomplished?

Or

Do I truly believe that having so much to do will make me more successful and happy or will faith and trust successfully guide me to the same feelings and outcome?

The truth is, I value and believe a little bit of both. Recently a wise friend challenged my well-developed belief system that has been comprised of an either/or mindset. She suggested that I would find much more joy and peace if I considered a reframe to a both/and mindset which intrigued me.

I am playing with that concept a lot. In doing so, I have been assuaging my ego by setting goals (like finishing this blog!) but now, my motivation to complete it is steeped in how it makes me feel to share this learning journey with all of you. And for me, that’s where the sweet spot lies.

I better understand that the Be-ing relates more to feelings and that the Do-ing equates more with my end goal. When I pay as much attention to the process or the feeling as my end goal, I find more creativity and self-expression and can do more with joy. Ah hah! That’s a great way to Be!

Three tips that lead to more Be-ing:

Pay attention to what lights you up. A great way to start is to create a list of things that give you energy and those that drain you. Do this every day for week and notice what shows up. Prioritize the things that give you energy and see how that makes you feel.

Approach situations with curiosity. If you find yourself overamped and exhausted from a myriad of tasks, try getting curious about what you could do differently. Put attention on how you want to feel and take the necessary steps towards that.

Breathe whenever you can. Breathing is an essential practice because it is something we always do out of necessity, and it’s also a good way to bring our awareness back to the here and now. Taking three or four deep breaths at any given moment can help you focus and to be more present.

If you DO these things several times a week with regularity and consistency, I guarantee you will be a happier human BE-ing.

It seems that in the end, “To Be or To Do” may not be the question after all. Perhaps the better question is: “What more is possible if we live smack in the middle of Do-ing and Be-ing?” It’s on!